6 Habits of Contented People: How to stop feeling so anxious and overwhelmed
“Why is time moving so fast?! How is it already the summer?”
“I’m so overwhelmed, I don’t even know where to start.”
“My anxiety is keeping me up at night/ wreaking havoc on my work productivity/ making me feel inadequate, etc.”
“I wish life was just easier.”
If you’ve said something like this recently, consider that your approach to life is overwhelming you. It’s time to simplify!
We live in a society and a world where it’s very normal to be frantic, full of anxiety, and generally just overwhelmed and exhausted. Not only is it normal, it’s expected and glorified.
To have more, we must achieve more, and to achieve more, we must do more, and to do more, we must say yes to more, and when say yes to more, we’re always just so damn FULL. Our systems are overloaded.
Have you ever stopped to ask yourself, “Why?”
Why is life so full? Why am I always racing around, one thing to the next? Am I equating a full life with actually BEING more? More valuable? More liked? More human?
The truth is, the fullness of our lives is not enriching us or making us better humans; it’s pushing us into an anxiety-ridden frenzy.
So what’s the solution?
If there were three words to summarize the points made in this article, they would be simplify, simplify, simplify.
Here are six more specific ways to do that:
ONE: Stop saying “yes” and start asking “why.”
You are not a victim of your or anyone else’s schedule you manage (e.g., children). You are the one who is burdening yourself.
What you say “yes” to greatly indicates what you value the most.
So, do most of the things you spend time on align with your values and what you find most important in life?
If not…why not?
Ask a simple “why” before you say “yes” to anything, and you might be surprised to find out you don’t really have a good “because.” Much of the time, we say “yes” because we feel obligated to someone or something, because we think we’re supposed to, because we’re afraid of saying “no”, or because we might feel lost, left out, or bored if our day isn’t filled to the brim.
When I started asking myself “why” for the things I was choosing to fill my life (being on my phone all the time, spending time with people who drained me, a job that didn’t fulfill me, drinking alcohol, watching TV when I wanted to be crafting or working out, etc.), my because was often things like –
“Because my husband wants to.”
“Because this will be my only social time without my kids.”
“Because if I don’t, I’ll be left out.”
“Because if I don’t, I’ll fall behind in my professional development.”
“Because it’s a habit.”
“Because I’m scared of not having this secure income.”
“Because I’m avoiding something else I need to face.”
Sound familiar?
So, if you’re looking at your “yeses” but not coming up with much in the way of your “becauses,” it’s time to reassert your values and realign your schedule and, thus, your life.
TWO: Take non-negotiable quiet time for yourself every day
There are 16 waking hours of the day, at least. Which is 960 minutes.
How about 1% of that time (10 minutes) just to be with yourself?
To be quiet and listen…Listen to what?
Your innate wisdom.
Your deep inner knowing.
Yes, yours.
We are all intuitive, connected to our highest self and humanity’s greatest good.
You’ve undoubtedly heard people say things like, “My gut reaction was…” or “It just came to me in the middle of the night…” or “On my road trip, I suddenly felt clear about what step to take next…” or “If it’s meant to be, it’ll be…”. These are all examples of what we say when we listen to our intuition.
The difficulty is that our intuition can be quiet and often operates at a very different pace than our loudest and most frequently used tool, the mind. The mind is constantly being catered to by all the noises and flashing lights of the outside world. No wonder it thinks it’s in charge!
Luckily, all it takes is a few quiet moments and deep breaths to reconnect with our intuition.
Here, you can hear the whispers of your soul.
You can feel the gentle, calming energy of a deeper knowing, gain clarity about your questions, and bring new light to your deepest desires.
Your intuition is there for you at any moment. Will you be quiet and brave enough to follow?
THREE: Be in “awe” of life
Nature is our greatest teacher. Everything we see in nature is also represented in us. Yet, we take these beautiful examples and lessons for granted.
When we adopt the mindset of “awe,” we choose to be surprised and delighted, admire our surroundings, remember how precious we are and everything else, and revere the awesome miracles of life.
About a decade ago, when I worked in the most stressful job I’ve ever had, I had a simple remedy for my overwhelm: I closed my computer and went outside to feel the sunshine on my face and look at the treetops.
I called them treetop walks.
I immediately felt a sense of peace, somehow understanding my place in this vast universe. My problems, no matter how stressful and engulfing they felt moments before, were nothing compared to the enormity and beauty of life.
This was before I had routine spiritual practices of any kind, but this practice made me feel alive in a way that literally bolstered my ability to handle the overwhelm and made me more resilient the next time it bubbled up.
FOUR: Build the muscle of “I’m my best, and I’m grateful.”
At the end of the day or end of the week, write down:
All of the things you felt good about,
All of the things you did for others,
All of the things you’re grateful for,
Bonus for also remembering the things you learned about yourself.
This exercise should take you no more than 10 minutes (remember that’s only 1% of your waking hours!).
Doing it can create evidence for that very powerful tool of yours (the mind) to build the case that you’re doing your absolute best, that you are a special and unique person, and that you are exactly where you’re meant to be.
Do this for a month, and you’ll be more in love with life and yourself than before.
FIVE: Connect to and move your body
Your body is another deeply intelligent system that makes up you (in addition to the mind and spirit). It helps you understand what you need and want.
Think of the consistent signals it’s sending: hunger, tiredness, a burst of energy, or general malaise. A racing heart, a tight jaw, or shortness of breath when emotions are high. When we need to slow down, possibly stiffness, tightness, or pain.
The question is, are you listening and responding?
Do a quick check-in with yourself –
Close and put away all distractions. Get into a comfortable seated position. Close your eyes. Put your hands on your body. One hand on your belly or legs, one on your heart or throat. Somewhere that feels vital and where you can feel your life force. Take 5–10 long and deep breaths (about 1–2 minutes total). Once you feel settled into a more relaxed, softened state, you can check in with your body. Ask your body how it feels. Ask what it needs. And ask how you can treat it better and meet its needs. Listen for as long as the messages come.
From here, you can begin to understand the deep connection between your mind and body.
Usually, when I do this, my body asks for movement or rest!
Any and all kinds of movement: stretching, swaying, yoga, dancing, jumping, or walking.
When it asks for rest, I listen. I lay down for 10–20 minutes and close my eyes. After this mini-nap, I’m 50–100% more balanced and effective.
Connecting to and moving our bodies immediately removes the symptoms of anxiety and overwhelm we may feel in the moment. This is not only because we’ve moved out of the mind and into the body but also because the body can process things that the mind tends to get tightly wound around and keep spiraling.
Over time, an embodied movement practice can provide a safe haven from anxiety in the first place.
SIX: Receive life’s pleasures
“Pleasure? I’m barely keeping my head above water, and you’re suggesting I focus on pleasure?”
Don’t discount this. Everyday pleasures are all around you and easily accessible. Shift your perspective, and you will see.
What simple pleasures do you not treat yourself to or not recognize when they’re there for you?
Mine are –
Letting the sun shine on my face with my eyes closed
(Slowly) eating delicious food
Holding my children as close as possible to me and touching their skin
Breathing deeply the scents of sandalwood and lavender
Having a clean kitchen
Drinking a warm beverage first thing in the morning
Listening to bird song in the trees outside my house
Swimming in a clear (not too cold!) lake
There are many more, but you get the idea. None of these are hard to find. The difficulty lies in letting ourselves be fully present to them and receive their beauty and pleasure in the moment.
My hope for you
If you take one thing away from this article, it should be that you are more powerful than you think.
Probably more powerful than you ever imagined.
You are the master of your thoughts, connected to your body, in control of your schedule (and your phone!), and can create and simplify your habits with focus and presence.
Take this mindset and remember to simplify:
Say no, and ask why
Take quiet alone time
Be in awe
Reflect on how “I’m my best.”
Get into your body
Receive life’s pleasures
If you want to uplevel your life, feel more joy, be more present, and be the truest version of YOU, please reach out. I can guide you there.
